How to enjoy your own company

I love going to places and documenting trips, but sometimes I’m just at home by myself. Whether you feel lonely living alone or just find yourself not able to enjoy your own company when you are alone, I hope some of these ideas might help you.

1) The first tip is to limit mindless scrolling (especially in the a.m.).

We hear it a lot, but it’s surprisingly hard. Especially if your alarm is on your phone. In that case, just keep that phone on do not disturb and give yourself a small amount of time to get acquainted with the day without getting bombarded by work emails or feeling comparison because you opened up social media. We don’t need that ever, but especially not at 7am.

There is scientific evidence that your willpower will steadily decrease as the day goes on. So don’t worry; later in the day, you’ll probably be scrolling because you’ll be tired and won’t have the willpower to stop.

Have a morning. You don’t need to follow a strict morning routine. Just pick a couple of activities, and slowly do them. Stretch, make your coffee or tea, read, stare at that popcorn ceiling - it doesn’t matter. 

Whatever it is, doing it slowly will help your mind wake up. You’ll feel more inspired to use your time well.

2) The second tip is to find your grounding object. 

If you saw the movie Inception, the characters needed a physical object that would ground them so that they knew if they were in a dream or not. 

I don’t know about you, but I find that sometimes, whether from brain fog or wallowing in self pity, I’ll wake up suddenly and wonder, where have I been?

It can be challenging to stay in the present moment when our attention is constantly being pulled this way and that way. 

So whether it’s a physical object (a blanket, a rock) or a non-physical thing (a certain song you hear, a walk around your neighborhood) find something that’s comforting and snaps you out of your sad thoughts.

I have a stuffed animal named Doggy Moggy. I’ve had him in my life since I was two or three. When I look at him, I smile. He’s just a raggedy blob that has been with me for over 20 years. But he’s my grounding object.

I also practice Buddhist chanting which always brings me back to the current moment. It reminds me that every action we take can either have a positive or negative effect. 

So find what grounds you and turn to it when you’re struggling.

3) The third recommendation is to make yourself laugh.

Enjoying alone time has a lot to do with feeling joy. When we laugh, we feel joy. Sometimes 15 minutes of scrolling through TikTok will be the answer. Watching a few funny videos can help your mood improve.

But there’s a risk of relying on that external source to make you laugh. If you get attached to that dopamine hit it gave you, you might forget that you can entertain yourself.

The more that you can make yourself laugh and not take yourself too seriously, the easier it will be to spend time alone and enjoy it. 

For Halloween, I dressed up as Prue from Great British Bake Off. I created a costume and savored every step, giggling along the way. From going to the thrift store and finding the perfect chunky jewelry, to dancing around my room in my wig, I enjoyed the process.

The great thing about being alone is that no one can see you acting “weird.” So take advantage of that and be silly.

4) The fourth recommendation is to treat yourself like a date. 

You can do this in small ways. Take a shower, wear something that makes you feel cute.

If your schedule and space allows, see if you can plan a full afternoon or evening with yourself. 

What does a romantic date look like to you? Think about impressing yourself. Prepare by cleaning your space so that you’re proud to show it off and it feels like a pleasant environment. 

Maybe treat yourself to a home cooked meal. Maybe light a candle, dim the lights, draw a nice bath. Savor the experience that you’ve created for yourself, and breathe. 

Make yourself feel special, and savor it.

5) The final recommendation is to reach out to others if you need company. 

If you’ve tried things like 1) limiting morning scrolling, 2) finding your grounding object, 3) being your favorite comedian and 4) wooing yourself, you’re ready for the most vulnerable step of all, which is reaching out and asking for companionship.

There are reasons you’re sad when you’re alone, and the truth is that humans are social creatures. We aren’t built to be isolated all the time. We also grow into better people when other people need us, and we choose to show up for them.

It’s that contrast of spending time with others that helps us appreciate the special times we get to be alone. It’s a blessing to be alone when you have that balance.

Texting someone that you’re sad and asking if they’re free is a vulnerable thing to do. But most of us just want to belong, so you might find someone else struggling with the same difficulties.

Use any alone time you have to imagine ways to become more comfortable in your own skin and enjoy your own company. You’ll benefit from spending time with others the most when you build a positive relationship with yourself first. 

Because we can’t really receive love if we don’t love ourselves. 

Best of luck :)